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It’s been forever
It’s been forever since I’ve been on my site. I don’t know why either. I think I just have to be in the mood to really sit down and write. Or type.
I’ve been really busy with class and trying to stay a step ahead so I don’t get washed back or washed out. That has me stressed. Also, I still have no idea where I am being stationed so I can’t even really plan anything yet. And I graduate on November 5! I need to know so I can budget my money. I know I want to move off base. So, I need to start planning out furniture and stuff. There is just so much to do!
There have already been a couple people who have come and gone as friends. One of them, we don’t even acknowledge each other in passing. There’s a big backstory to that, though. One I really don’t want to get into. He lied. That sums it up. Another friend got mad at me. Instead of telling me what was wrong, he acted weird around me and then I asked if he was mad at me. “eh” was his reply. Then, I gave him a day and I asked him again when he was still being weird and he just said “eh” again. I asked him to tell my why and he won’t tell me. It just fucking pisses me off because I have no idea what I did. Gah. So, I’m just sick of trying to make friends while still in tech school.
Cecilia and Colin might be coming to visit this weekend. I’m excited about that. I just have to call the Angelo Inn today, during the day and try to make a reservation for them. Also, I am gonna be going out with someone on Saturday. I’m nervous because I don’t know if I like the guy or not. But, I have only talked to him once.
Sooo…. I’m gonna go. I’m watching “Pleasantville” before going to bed. I’m surprised that I’m still awake. I had a big cup of coffee in class today.
A rollercoaster going up and down. In circles.
I still haven’t gotten off of my rollercoaster. The same one that I’ve been on for a while now. Letting myself go into the same plunges over and over again. Then getting on those highs. It’s getting really old. And I guess the only person I can blame is myself. I can slow down the cart. Readjust. Or just stop, get off, and jump onto the one that goes on and on, with no end in sight. Instead of my current one. My current Circular one.
I’ve recently been told, or, at least, this is what I get from it, I am not dateable because I am too ignorant about different things. I hate the fact that this really hurts. Because it’s actually a fear of mine. But, y’know what? F.U. I’m only 21 years old. I still have plenty of time to learn. To develop. To get to that place I need to be. What I really need to do is get away from these people that make me feel like crap all the time. The ones that take advantage and/or don’t take me seriously. I am sick of being the one always kicked aside.
I’m worried about Stephanie. I hope everything goes okay with her.
Now, on to a more positive, happy topic. I am loving class. I can’t wait until I actually start my job. Though, class is becoming a bit more stressful. It’s sudoku and word search and crossword all mixed up. Add about a pound of crack. And that is what I am doing right now. It’s great.
I’m already tired of doing my whining and pity party so I am going to go ahead and go.
Multimedia message
If I had a really small place, this would be my dream kitchen 
A rollercoaster going up and down. In circles. »« Multimedia message
Tattoos, Annoying People, and just General Stuff
Well, I finally got my tattoo. I think it turned out really good. And I like it. It costs $200 and I had to sit there for two hours while my left shoulder blade was being cut into. The most painful part was the shading. I thought it was going to be easier but it wasn’t. And every time the needle started moving towards my spine, my left arm hurt more than the needles did. All in all, it was worth it. Because this tattoo means so much to me. I can look at it and smile.
My best friend here is Cecilia. We’ve been hanging out and I feel like I can talk to her about stuff. We”ve been on CQ since the beginning of January and we took a couple of trips. Well, we got a few new people on our shift though Colin and Jerry are the only ones that have actually stuck. Jerry is very quiet, listens to his ipod most of the time. Colin is really nice and seems very confident. I feel like I can talk to him about some things. For a little while, and I mean a very short while, I was under the delusion that I liked him. We, meaning him, Cecilia, and I hung out a few times and stuff. Then I found out that he invited her to go sailing and not me. I got EXTREMELY jealous and acted very cold toward them at work that night. Well, this past weekend, we were all hanging out again and I found out that they were going to go to a really nice place together. Again, I got really upset. And I realized that it wasn’t her going with him that I was upset about. It was that she was doing something fun, happy, and actually being invited somewhere that I really got jealous of. I feel like I’ve been taken advantage of or that I am the one chasing after people to be my friends.
Aside to this, Colin is really annoying. Like, tonight, I tried to explain/tell someone something and he talked over me and told it instead. And then we were playing TABOO and he kept butting in and trying to give clues to my cards. I know it doesn’t sound like a big thing but every time he did this it would just mess me up. I hate when people interrupt me. I wish they would just keep their fucking mouth shut for a few more seconds so I could finish. Colin is really a great guy. Very nice. But it’s just not a trait that I can handle in someone who is closer than an occasional close friend. Ugh. But, he better not hurt Cecilia because I will hurt him.
I am still waiting on a job assignment. I”m starting to get a little impatient. And I think it”s partly because of a bunch of incompetent assholes who do not know how to do their jobs. Major Castro had to tell them AGAIN that I cannot be airborne. Ugh.
So, I am going to try to post the picture of my tattoo on here. Now, let”s see how incompetent I am with computers.
More Crap…
I know I’ve already said this but I am going to say it again. I really hate practically chasing after people to be my friend. I need people to fill this void that I feel inside. I feel practically empty. But it gets worse when the people I’m chasing just start ignoring me or just leaving me out. What the fuck is wrong with me? Is there anything wrong with me? Or am I just trying to form some kind of friendly relationship people that aren’t even worth it.
I feel really lonely. So apart from everyone. But, because of a promise I made to Nicole, I am not going to do anything rash. Talking to her helps. But, today, I actually called my mom. And I cried for about twenty minutes straight. I used my break from work to go back to my room and cry.
I’ve been trying to make these stupid french doughnuts. The first time, I fucked up the very first step, which was the yest. I got all the way through. Chilled the dough for the right amount of time, but it was a flop because of the yeast. So I tried to make it again yesterday. Yeast turned out good. The dough was perfect. Now the problem was that I didn’t pay attention to the temperature of the oil I was frying it in, so the outside of it cooked perfect and the inside was just dough. Blagh! I still have some dough left. I”m going to try one more time tomorrow to get the oil the right temperature and make the perfect beignets. I also need to get a great recipe for some awesome hot chocolate to go with these morsels of deliciousness.
But now, I really don’t feel like cooking at all. Or anything really. I was going to go out drinking with some friends, and I use that term loosely, but I think I’m just going to go find something else to do. Lynn told me about a movie playing at the Osio called 12. It’s in Russian and is basically like the American movie 12 Angry Men, which I absolutely love!
Also, I am getting my tattoo tomorrow. 6pm. I can”t wait.
I’m just tired of talking right now. I know it”s been a while since I last posted, but…. whatever.
..’
Tattoos, Annoying People, and just General Stuff »« Babies are boring…
Babies are boring…
A friend of mine came by work today; he had to sign back in some stuff. With him were his wife and baby, who just turned five months old and I had never seen her. I was like "aww, the baby" at first and asked to hold her. After about five minutes, I said "here, you can have it back now." I have determined that babies are boring. When (if) I have kids, I wish they could just skip their first year of life. All they would do would be eat, sleep, shit, and cry. Or just sit there. Babies are best when you can give them back. Kids in general are best when you can give them back.
I am still waiting on a job. Some of the ones I put down were two intel, mechanic for vehicles, mechanic for special vehicles, and mechanic for helicopters, nuclear weapons, cardiopulmonary lab, and a couple other odd ones. I”ve been waiting to hear something for two weeks now. Ugh. I wish they would give me a job already. I want to get out of here. I”m starting to go back to that angry, depressed mood I had been stuck in a few months ago. The people here are so stupid. We just had a bunch of people were busted for drugs. In fact, we have a formation tomorrow at 2pm that will probably wind up being a piss test. Greeeaaat. That”s over a thousand people they have to go through. And I have to work tomorrow night!!!
I was thinking about getting my godson something for easter but I couldn”t find any baskets that I really liked. And he”s not even a year old yet. I”ll just wait until his birthday and get him something then. I also decided I am going to talk to Erin first, and see if there is anything that she would like for him. I also wouldn”t want to get him something that he already has! Also, I am going to get Sam(antha) something for her birthday too, even though I”m not her godmother.
I”m rereading the Harry Potter books. I just wanted to start reading something that I could get through on autopilot. I just want to kill some time. For the past couple of days, I”ve been feeling like crap. Sinus stuff. I slept for ten hours straight today without waking up. And then went back to sleep for another two hours.
I freaking hate the new people here. They are annoying. Stupid. Retarded. And every othere negative word possible that can be used to describe someone.
I am getting another tattoo. I was going to get it on Thursday but I decided to change the whole design. I am going to be getting a realistic heart in black and white white a banner going over it with the quote "For death begins with life”s first breath, and life begins at touch of death". It”s going to be a sort of memorial tattoo for Wolfgang without actually saying his name on it. And it”s going to be on my left shoulder, maybe in the area where my heart is. Haven”t quite decided on that part yet. I know I told my dad that I would never get another tattoo, but I like them. It”s not a rash decision I”m making. It”s something that I”ve been thinking about for over a year. I know I”m wierd, Papa, and I hope you don”t judge me for this.